haaa, xanga.
so, i decided to update.
because its sunday, and i have nothing better to do.
=]
 aaanyway.
jarrod and i are currently fighting,
what a suprise...
he's in vegas till next saturday. band banquet was lastnight.
state solo&ensemble is about two weeks from now.
johnny graduates in the same time.
which, is whatever. but anywayyy.
alot has been going on recently.
ever since chicago,
life has been a constant roller coaster.
its really gayyyyy.
so uhhh,
i've decided to get off my ass
and join honor band this year.
mostly,
for something to do.
and its getting REALLY old to always make twos.
as good as it is to always be first chair,
its pretty gay to look like shit. so back to state.
i kinda cheated a bit and i played a flute solo
i played in like, 8th grade
on the piccolo.
i honestly didn't deserve to go to state and i know it.
but i had a clarinet judge who was really nice
and pretty much everyone that played their solo by memory got a 1.
percussion tryouts are tomorrow.
not really excited.
don't really want to be in pitt.
i really want to march.
but my parents and my doctor told me no.
so i'm pretty much gonna blow it off this year.
considering i got SHOVED into it in the first place.
its really gay.
also gay.
michelle is gonna be pitt section leader.
because she just is,
even though she hasn't been to a single fucking day of camp.
and by the end of marching season,
i'm quite definientia gonna blow up at carrissa.
so, thats gonna ruin alot of things.
but whateverrrr. so,
concerning school,
my grades have been halfway decent this year.
i have like a 3.6 GPA now?
which isn't that great.
but its whatever. uh,
what else? well.
i'm kindof dissapointed that i got
absolutely nothing lastnight.
not even one of the stupid
"half the band got their name put in this magazine" awards. eh.
whatever though.
storie hates me,
so it shouldn't suprise me.
but honestly,
i am SO glad all the seniors are graduating.
cause that makes me a senior.
and its one more year closer
to getting the fuck away from all these immature people.
i guess i'll quit ranting now.
cause nobody will read this,
so its pretty much a waste of my time.
actually.
one more thing.
yesterday.
my dad and i gave blood together.
we do weird bonding things.
ha,
this isn't the point,
but they asked me if i'd ever slept with a prostitute, or with a man who had had sex with another man.
BACK TO THE POINT.
Jarrod got mad at me.
for giving blood.
idfk why.
its really annoying.
and we fought like all day yesterday
about how i never listen to him
because i'd told him that i was planning on giving blood at some point,
mostly because my family feels that since my mom has been the recipient of so much blood,
we need to attempt to give some of it back.
anyway.
when i told him i was gonna give blood,
he got all mad.
and the only reason he ever gave me for not wanting me to
was because he said so.
so,
i did it.
because if he "just doesn't want me to"
then he needs to shut up.
because i told him not to dip.
and gave him a DAMN good reason not to,
And he still did it.
Atleast i'm helping someone else,
and not just hurting myself.
so we spent like all day yesterday arguing about it.
And its really annoying.
done now. :) quotes?
one. We don't talk anymore and I can't understand why.
It's like you gave me wings, then told me it's illegal to fly two. I'm done with these sleepless nights. I'm
done with this heartache. I'm done trying.
I'm done with everything. If you really
want me around, you're going to have to
chase me now. three. People who think dying is the worst thing don't know a thing about life.
-- The Secret Life of Bees four. Is this what you wanted or have you just lost control?
Fight the urge to make the greatest mistake of all.
When you've reached the bottom, know that I'll still understand five. i want something tragic to happen to me
so that i can have a legitimate reason
to be angry at this world six. He’s the king of mixed signals,
and I’m the queen of second thoughts seven. This is why you should never get your hopes up.
This is why you should see the glass as half empty.
So when the whole thing spills,
you aren't as devastated. eight. They asked what I've learned throughout the years;
What did I learn?
People lie; "friends" leave; and heartbreak is something you're never quite prepared for. nine. Sometimes you just need someone.
Someone to make you smile when you're sad.
Someone to tell you you're beautiful.
Someone to look forward to seeing you every day.
Someone to call you every night.
Someone to say I love you and mean it.
Sometimes you just need someone. ten. there's something about you that keeps me coming back.
why don't you stay the same?
i wonder what you actually are thinking
when we share those awkward silences
and the noises around us are all that we have. eleven. She says she doesn't care anymore,
but the look in her eyes
and the sound of her voice
tells a different story. 
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